I have never been as fixated on numbers as I am now. I take my words back. Academically I've always been fixated with that little decimal point and what comes after it, no matter how infinitesimal the difference is. But weight wise, I've never been one to obsessively watch my weight. Yes, I never minded my extra curves and rolls of flab.
Yet now I find myself having no choice but to make sure the digits on both sides of the decimal point go down. Down. Just by a little bit, just one kg, or two. And find myself frustrated when it bounces back up after letting myself go. It's terrible. How do people lose three kg in two weeks? I can't even see myself losing one kg. Perhaps it's because I'm not exercising enough and still stuffing my face full.
I hate that I'm actually blogging about food and weight.
This is so ridiculous!
I'd much rather blog about my intellectual pursuits, but.......alas......... to the company I'm interviewing with, I am nothing but a face and figure. (They wouldn't care about your brains.) And perhaps height. There's nothing much I can do about my height, but there's something I can do about the other two. As long as I watch my weight, I'd look better. All this takes is willpower. And self-confidence. Two words that I'm not exactly well-acquainted with.
I hope everything will pay off.
It's just another two weeks from today. And after that, I can let myself go and stuff my face silly with all kinds of food.
It's hard.
What's hardest is controlling the insatiable urge to eat, and when I actually do eat, despite telling myself to just eat a plate, I end up binge-eating. And vomiting is not an option. I despise people who vomit their food out, and even though I can empathise with them now, I still despise the action. Anyway, I'm obsessed about getting enough nutrition so there's no way I would eat and vomit. I'm just trying to eat sensibly.
Talk about willpower. Ha. The sheer irony.
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